Part 3 - Courage and Gratitude: A Mini Blog Series
There’s something powerful in simplifying passion and conviction into a single guiding statement. It will look totally different for each of us. But for me, this is my Dharma – my vision for a life of purpose:
“I am courageously and gratuitously
cultivating an abundant life of curiously, creativity and community.”
It’s not a dictation, but a north star by which I can evaluate my choices for creating a life that is meaningful and true to who I am at my core. I realize this might sound a little crazy and cliché so let me explain…
There is a reason why lines are painted on roads and why we have street signs. They help us navigate the endless possibilities of twists and turns presented on our route. It’s not about the destination – but a means by which we can get from one place to another feeling confident that we made the right regardless of scenery.
Thinking about purpose in this way eliminated the pressure of needing a perfect destination, something I had spent so much energy over the years was spent on trying to figure out. However, through the Personal Design Flow - I realized if I’m following my own values – I will end up wherever it is I am meant to. It’s not about where I ‘end-up’ – because there is no destination. It’s about the style in which I live my life that will open opportunities that will further nurture my true Self.
So that’s where courage and gratitude come in to play. These are my road signs and my guiding lines. They help direct me in a way that is authentic but also realistic. If gives me permission to feel negative emotions without being untrue – and it helps steer me away from negativity as a lens. So what exactly are courage and gratitude? And how does it look like when I let them guide my journey?
Courage
So, what is courage?
Dictionary.com defines courage as, ‘the ability to do something that frightens,’ and ‘strength in the face of pain or grief.”
A critical component of courage is fear and pain.
In the wild wilderness it may look like a pile of dry leaves, a starving baboon hunting you down when you get separated from your hiking pack, or a raging riptide.
Fear can also be much more internal. Sure – sink holes, thugs and the rouge wild animal exist – but the some of the most debilitating fears we have, or at least I have – are far more internal.
These look like:
Becoming more inadequate and less relevant with each birthday
Never accomplishing enough
Being a disappointment to myself and others
Above all else - we fear the unknown. We fear the dark because we don’t know what lies beyond. We fear failure because we don’t know if we have what it takes or will be able to find the right resources to be successful.
So what is the solution to not knowing?
Curiosity.
Asking questions and seeking out answers before jumping to conclusions and fearful assumptions.
For this reason - I like to define courage as approaching discomfort curiosity. Discomfort often comes from a mismatch in expectations and fearful assumptions. Allowing ourselves to question what we know, and to play around with what we don’,t will empower us to find the missing pieces that eventually replace fear with confidence – or at least – an understanding that we are always in control not of the situation – but how we approach it.
Entertain questions: where are these fears and assumptions coming from? What details and perspectives are missing? Allowing ourselves to be curious makes the unknown a little less debilitating and in turn, we become courageous – empowered to move forward despite not knowing the outcome.
Gratitude
We hear it all the time,
“Have a little more gratitude”
“Make sure you get your gratitude journal”
“Live a life of gratitude”
“Make gratitude a habit”
I get it, I get it. We need to be more grateful. But what does that actually mean? What does it look like?
For me, it’s an ongoing practice. It’s living in a state of accepting things as they are, where they are. It’s respecting the potential for all things to change and being thankful for how things are in this exact moment.
Jobs and cash flow change. Relationships come and go. Even life can be lost – but yours hasn’t.
Gratitude is built on presence and the understanding that things change. Sometimes circumstances change slowly; sometimes we don’t even see it coming. Sometimes it’s in our control and other times it’s completely up to the Universe. But for a moment in time, these things - people, places, things, feelings - are present, and gratitude is being thankful that all our paths crossed in a single moment in time to create this moment and this energy.
What does it look like to live a life in the style of courage and gratitude?
While courage and gratitude are technically adjectives – I like to see them as a style in which I choose to live my life. They’re not a dentition a stagnant state – they’re a lens through which I apply to every aspect of my life. Now, do I always remember to use these lenses? Absolutely not. I’m not Gandhi.
But by keeping it current – and built into my routine – if I feel like I’m going against my higher Self (and I usually can feel it – especially when I’m tuned in and present.) I can then stop and ask myself –
“Am I approaching this with curiosity or with preconditioned thoughts and learned reactions?”
It’s not always easy – but if I’m practicing mindfulness – then it can look a bit differently.
For example, my 3 biggest fears (apart from small spaces and spiders) are:
Falling below the poverty line and being without a home (again)
Getting old and thereby becoming less significant with age
Falling victim to a manic-depressive episode
Now let me show you how I recently approached a few different scenarios that are directly related to those fears and what it looked like through a lens of curiosity and gratitude.
1. In mid-July – I was let go of my career job. I had been with the company for 4 years and had dedicated my life to the craft and the business. I was on my way to the airport for a business trip for said company when I got the call – “Your position has been eliminated. Please turn in your laptop by end of day tomorrow.”
Now – don’t get me wrong – there was shock – and some initial panic. This was a new experience for me, and I had a LOT of questions – which created a terrifying spinning sensation.
But after taking a moment to find my feet – I was finally able to assess facts (my bank account, expenses, timelines and new job prospects) to realize that I was okay. I had been debating on quitting that job for months and taking some extended time off to pivot my career – but I never let myself do it.
Courage is sitting on a Starbucks patio – having just been let go – sipping on the notion of “this feel right.” And gratitude is being thankful that the Universe gave me an opportunity I would never have taken for myself. I was preparing for that time off and prepared my finances a long time ago to make sure that, should the chance arise, I could take it without the risk of losing my home and my security. Will this require a bit of a lifestyle change? Sure. Am I in an unsafe situation? Nope. I am grateful for the preparation and the courage to accept this gift of growth that lies ahead.
2. I am legitimately terrified of getting old. Because of the wrinkles? Not so much. But because of this notion of becoming obsolete. The ‘Younger Generation’ is all the rage. In marketing – that’s who we always go after. Forbes 30 Under 30 (which has been a goal of mine for years) celebrate high achievements that only become standard the moment you turn 30.
But by exercising courage and gratitude – I can approach this fear with curiosity – “What am I truly afraid of? Is it becoming obsolete? What am I doing today to make a difference? What impact am I trying to make that I feel age will suddenly take away? What energy am I spending on these projects versus stressing out about when I’ll get them done by?”
And it is with gratitude I realize – I had to go through a LOT of stuff in order to get to the point where I have what I need to share my story in an impactful way. I could not have done it before – and the timing could not have been more perfect. It is with gratitude that I recognize I am where I am for a reason. Through that awareness, I am empowered to make meaningful change regardless of what age is listed on my Passport.
3. I have danced with clinical depression and anxiety disorders for decades. However – through extensive amount of clinical therapy, EMDR, dietary changes and yoga – I have been able to mitigate the mood swings and crippling effects such a disorder can have on bring a productive member of society. That being said – since it is a biological condition – there are times where a manic-depressive episode can jump out from seemingly nowhere and completely derail my day-to-day, productivity at work, and my relationships with family and friends. It can last for days of weeks – and sometimes even months. So naturally – this is something that I fear on a regular basis – because although it is a part of who I am - it’s not a reflection of my true Self.
So how do I approach this with curiosity and gratitude?
By staying curious with myself – I can identify triggers and early on-set symptoms to take the necessary actions proactively. I build this curiously into my decision-making process to identify areas I may be stretched too thin or notice when I a m feeling out of balance. And it is with gratitude I recognize all of the things that have helped me manage this condition – including years of great insurance that helps with the cost of therapy, income to afford good food, and a strong yoga community that helps me keep a consistent practice on my mat.
While yes – I could curse the universe for giving me this disorder in the first place – but at the end of the day – it has created the perfect environment for me to consistently practice intentional living and prioritize self-care. It has also inspired my book, articles and documentaries I create to build a sense of community and support for those experiencing similar struggles. And it is for that experience, I am truly grateful.
Ways I get in the habit/stay/return to a state of courage and gratitude
Courage and gratitude are the pillars of my life vision – but that doesn’t mean they always come to me naturally. Like all skills and habits – they require daily, intentional practice to ensure they become second nature. I’m not 100% there yet – but I’m human, so not really striving for perfection here.
Here are just a few simple ways I work towards strengthening my skills in courage and gratitude:
Respirations
Fear has a habit to activate out sympathetic nervous system – tossing us into a fight, flight or shut down mode. So before we can get curious – it’s critical to calm down the mind and the body. Breathing is great for that – and my two favorites when I’m feeling overwhelmed or afraid are square breathing and mindful meditative breathing.
Square breathing
Take a deep breath in through the nose and release out the mouth – clearing out the lungs entirely. Next, inhale for 4 seconds (this number can vary depending on experience and preference), pausing at the top with full lungs for 4 seconds. Next, exhale through the nose for 4 seconds, emptying out the lungs. Hold at the bottom of the breath for 4 seconds. Allow you mind to focus only on the breath. I’ve found it’s helpful to imagine your breath as a color and allow your mind to watch the breath travel into and out of the lungs. Repeat this for 10 breaths or until your mind feels calm enough to be curious.
Mindful Meditation Breathing
This practice is a little different in that your mind is focused on one word or feeling you’d like to call into you presence, and one word or feeling you want to release. In the instances of fear and courage, you could inhale thinking about the word ‘curiosity’ and exhale the feeling of ‘uncertainty.’ Or if you’re working on gratitude, perhaps you try exhaling ‘disappointment’ or ‘expectation’ and inhale ‘gratitude’ or ‘perspective.’ These words can change given the circumstance, so allow yourself to get intentional with the feelings immediately affecting your balance.
Just like with Square Breathing - take a deep breath in through the nose and release out the mouth – clearing out the lungs entirely. Next, thinking about the feeling or word you wish to call in, close the eyes and take a deep breath in through the nose, focusing solely on that word. Notice any changes in your body as you call this energy inward. Next, focus your attention on the feeling or word you which to send out and exhale that feeling out the nose. Once again, noticing any changes in energy or space within your body. Continue this for as long as you need to feel balanced.
Another way you can do this meditation or exercise is through verbally saying the words as you inhale and exhale. The only difference would be that you breathe in and out through the mouth. Sure – it might sound a little funny – but there is something very assuring about hearing the words versus simply feeling them. I’ve found it helps ground me a little deeper versus just feelings.
Read
Who doesn’t love a good book? I’ve found that more examples of way courage and gratitude can look, the more I’m able to recognize it in my own life. Here are some of my recent favorite books on courage, curiosity and gratitude:
Harnessing Courage: Overcoming Adversity with Grit & Gratitude by Laura Bratton
Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love by Brene Brown (Honestly – everything this woman writes is phenomenal.)
Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone by Brene Brown
The Gratitude Diaries: How a Year Looking on the Bright Side Can Transform Your Life by Janice Kaplan
Routine
Daily Top 10
Every day, with my first cup of coffee and before I even turn on my phone, I list out 10 thinks I am grateful for. No more, no less. It’s meant to be a quick and simple exercise to set the tone for the day – not an arduous chore that it just ‘one more thing to do. It’s also fun to watch how these items evolve over time.
Goals
After I list out my Top 10 – I list out my short- and long-term goals and the tasks I need to do to accomplish them. Now – some of these goals are a little lofty – and there are tasks that I don’t even know how to approach. But by listing my goals every day – I’m able to start asking questions early and identify roadblocks and associated fears or uncertainties. I can then start preparing for those things well in advance and avoid getting blindsided. And then, once I’ve don’t everything within my control, I can let it go and be curious with the outcome. What will happen? What will I learn from this experience? Etc.
Rest
Nothing can shut our brains down faster than not getting enough sleep. Sure – it can be tempting to embark on a quest of finishing that novel three weeks before the deadline – or burning the midnight oil because I’m on a creative streak. But what I’ve learned – is that the more sleep deprived we are – the more vulnerable we become and the ore likely our brain switches from alert and curious to reactive and afraid. Life is a long game – so it’s critical to be well rested to show up for ourselves in a gratuitous and courageous way.
Repeat
I’ve found that if I keep up with these fun little tricks and practices, I am in a much better position to easily approach life with courage and gratitude. Once I’m in the mindset – I can embark on the heavy lifting required for the rest of my life vision: cultivating an abundant life of curiosity, creativity and community.
Courage allows us to curiously question the world around us, and gratitude allows us to acknowledge it exactly as it is. As we live in the style courage and gratitude – everything else that follows is free to evolve as it is naturally meant to be – not how we want to control it. Once that control is eradicated, the Universe opens all sorts of new perspectives that may never have been able to be reached while living in place of fear and expectation. Through meaningful practice and reframing with curiosity, we can live a life according to our true Self. And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.
Stay tuned for the rest of Kate’s series!
cultivate your courage and gratitude in one of our upcoming trainings!
About Kate:
Kate Powell is an experience strategist and people researcher by day and a multi-media storyteller by night and weekend. She thrives in creative environments while studying human behavior and motivational theory to shine light on authentic connection across communities.
Her preferred mediums are blogs, photography and film, and is currently working on a handful of projects exploring the causes of mental, emotional and social strains across the modern age. Her goal is to empower solutions in ways that don't bore people to tears. In her free time, she teaches yoga at her community wellness studio and is finalizing the manuscript for her first book, Snack on That.
You can check out her work/stalk her here.