Awakening to my True Nature as Spirit.
“I am Shakti, as well as Shiva. I am everything male and female, light and dark, flesh and spirit. Perfectly balanced in one single moment lasting an eternity...”
― Robin Rumi
California has shaken me up in all the right ways. When I crossed the state line of California, I was just finishing up Yogananda’s Autobiography of a Yogi, which was life changing in so many ways. His explanation on all things yoga and the after life was written with such humility and honesty, leaving me with such clarity and profound gratitude for the abundance in my life. I also came to realize that the ashram that he brought to America would be approximately a 20-minute drive from my new home! Synchronicity at its finest.
But, wait, it gets better.
As I grounded down in my new community in the mountains, I found such healing and a sense of home at what used to be a retreat center. The land is filled with wild herbs, an abundance of lemons from our trees in the greenhouse, a beautiful organic garden thriving with life, shining stars and a bright moon at night, and a holy and sacred temple place. We have a communal kitchen space and living room, and our own cozy cabins on each corner of the property. Ultimate yogi paradise.
My Cleansing Journey
As I settled in and got to know the community members on a deeper level, cleansing was brought into my field. I have felt lethargic and not my best since recovering from traveling, parasites and a back injury, and felt my physical being was blocking my spiritual growth. And so weeks that turned into months of cleansing began – from a master cleanse for 7 days, to eating just fruits and vegetables, mostly raw, for about 2 months, two liver flushes, to just finishing a water fast for 3 days, all with intermittent and dry fasting. As my physical body gets cleaner, I rapidly develop in opening up to what the Divine has in store for me.
Ayurveda has also been shaping my health journey and expanding my knowledge and wisdom on the philosophy of yoga and the Divine, as well as daily practices and rituals that have supported the nourishment of my imbalances to bring me back into harmony with my true nature. I have been diving deeper into ancient texts like the Bhagavad Gita and reading about swamis and their journeys in the Himalayan Mountains – further expanding my perspective on all things spiritual.
Discovering the Divine in the Silence
We entered into a five-day silent retreat on the land, with our landlords and community members guiding us through the process. This was unique to silent retreats where you are isolated from your daily life and distractions to just focus on silence. We had jobs, I had a midterm at the college of Ayurveda, and we did have some distractions – to the degree that we allowed it to grab our attention. We had four sits a day in meditation for one hour and could participate as much or as little as we wanted. My soul was craving the time to just be, as I had a heavy workload the week before and needed a break from the ego to allow Spirit to speak to me.
The first day was somewhat difficult, as I was a little restless and even though I did have a meditation practice – not to the extreme of 4 hours a day. It was difficult to get into a meditative state, but I was persistent in my practice and decided to remove as much distraction as possible. I was pretty emotional, took frequent walks and sang some mantras on the harmonium in my spare time. The next day was my midterm. I felt very clear but also very introverted, and needed time to myself and to the silence that was being cultivated in every cell of my being.
At the 8 pm sit, that was when I was absorbed by the Divine and entered into a full-blown Kundalini or Shakti awakening. I don’t want to give too much detail to preserve the sacredness of the experience, but this was the first time when I have directly experienced God apart from prayer, worship, insight and reflection.
This is the poem I wrote just before that sit, to give you a taste of where my consciousness was at:
Snapshot of Existence.
To capture your vibrancy
on the petals of this wildflower
would be insensible
because this lens can not fathom
merely from the fundamental elements
Your eyes but a vessel
to infuse your creative energy
into every petal
into every blade of grass
into every beam of sunlight
the lens captures only
what is seen with the naked eye
but visible to
Floating in this sea of consciousness
allowing oneness to overflow
in tears of understanding
and to have you
I must become the lens
and see the unseen
through your etheric vibration
letting your light
become a reflection
in all that I capture.
Post-Retreat Transformative Vibes
My whole being has shifted since then, spending a lot less time in the ego and getting even deeper into my meditation, yoga and spiritual practices. I experience God more and more in every moment of every day and am filled with ecstatic bliss and gratitude for this abundant and incredible life.
I am stepping more and more into my power through embracing my purity and my feminine energy – the Shakti that has arisen in me and is allowing me to hold space for others through the power of kirtan, sound and yoga. I also feel the space and essence of Shiva, the nothingness in the pure state of just being without expectation, or to-do lists or obligations on my mind and the beautiful subtle cosmic sounds and silence it creates in me. I am still so fresh to the world of experiencing Shakti rise but through that experience and through multiple other events since then – I am dissolving more into the Divine and being less in my ego, feeling the Divine in subtler and subtler ways.
It’s sometimes hard to identify with my past story and past self. I have become neutral to food, emotions and sensations and see the oneness in all being and things. When I talk to someone, I only notice their eyes and the clarity of their soul that lies within them. During my water fast, I have received many messages, one being the words ‘Veta Brahmavidya’ both of which I have never heard before, but felt that Veta would suit me as a new spiritual name. Veta, in Sanskrit (Veda) means ‘God is my oath, my knowledge and my wisdom’.
I believe my powers of being a healer and a spiritual teacher are awakening and unfolding at a rapid but steady rate. My whole being is at a much higher vibratory level, and I feel like I’m flying most days. Abundance is overflowing in all aspects of my life and beautiful relationships are unfolding to help me grow, expand and awaken to all that I am – all that we are – Spirit.
To watch not only my body heal extremely fast, but also my mind settle into the subtle realms and become attuned to all the energy in and around me, is a beautiful and unexplainable process. For such a time as this, I only remain humble and surrender to the flow of this lifetime and continue meditating on my cosmic center that is Divine.
Peace & Love,
Jill (Veta) xx
How are you awakening to your true nature as spirit?
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Jill is a health enthusiast passionate about holistic living through being conscious of the mind, body and spirit connection. Her love for health and wellness blossomed through her degree in Kinesiology, her research in social media and body image and teaching fitness classes. She completed a two month yoga internship in Hawaii and that was where she fell in love with travel and all things yoga - and knew it was her calling in life to share the ancient and healing practice.
She is a free-spirited yoga teacher, harpist and sound healer that loves to bring bhakti, reflection and fun into every space she holds. She has taught in Peru, Guatemala, Canada and now in California, as she continues her yogi education through the path of Ayurveda. She finds balance and inspiration in her happy place of being in nature with instrument in hand, mantra in mind and surrounded by community. Her bold and bright spirit leads the way in helping shape her simple, community-based and nomadic life where she can inspire, teach and motivate others to live with mindfulness and purpose.